The Higher You Climb
by aussie-chick-13
Summary: The further you have to fall. And Loki has fallen so very, very far.
1. Fallen

_I love my brain. I was like "It's 1:30am, let's go to sleep" and then it was all "IDEAS! LOL NO SLEEP 4 U"_

_Loosely based off a prompt that I posted on norsekink which in turn was based on a contemporary dance performed by Billy and Ade in SYTYCD set to Mad World. I suggest you watch it before reading this._

_I have no idea if this is horrible or not so please review and share your opinion. I really appreciate any feedback I get._

_Depending on the reception I may write more of this, or I'll leave it as is._

_Enjoy!_

They say the higher you climb, the greater the fall.

Well, Loki had been a prince. Brother to the heir of Asgard, son of the All-Father. He had been regarded as one of the most powerful magicians in the nine realms and been renown for his wit and intelligence.

Then he learned the truth.

And he had fallen so very, very far.

Midgard was a horrible place for those without power. He landed on the streets of a city called New York. And there he had stayed. His magic was there but Loki hadn't the desire to use it. And the longer he didn't the harder it was to feel the pull.

He had intended to fall.

But he'd never thought he would survive the landing.

A great prince of Asgard, reduced to begging for change in the dark streets of downtown New York. He'd ventured out today, past his normal haunts and the back alleys where he'd go when he had nothing to eat. The places where the humans would pay for anything and everything from a once-god with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Loki travelled to central park, it was sunny and he hoped to get enough money for at least two days of food. He wore a green beanie pushed down over his head, raven locks escaping from the bottom. He'd washed his hair and shirt in the shelter he'd been lucky enough to get into last night. He couldn't slick his hair back anymore and without the beanie it fell in soft curls around his face. It was long, too long but Loki had no money to get it cut, so the bangs were constantly being pushed out of his face.

He arrived in the park and glanced up at the sky. It was blue.

It reminded him of home.

He felt sick.

His skin was pale and Loki was thin. He had never been as muscled as Thor but the trickster wasn't exactly a weakling.

He'd lost almost all his muscle in the first three weeks.

When you spend most of your time running from thieves or people whose desires were too dark or twisted, muscle just weighed you down.

It was a risk Loki couldn't afford to take.

It was spring and the air was crisp. At least the cold didn't pose a problem for Loki. He'd seen others, humans, perish over the winter. Simply not able to handle the snow and biting cold that winter swept in, they withered. Loki felt nothing of cold. He'd never noticed it before The Fall.

His fall.

Now it was everything.

All the differences, the little things, the big things.

Everything.

And nothing.

He was nothing.

A sudden shove sent him stumbling. Loki span, looking about wildly for his attacker. A pair of men were staring at him greedily. Whether it was for money, the clothes on his back or something more sinister, Loki didn't wait around to ask. He was gone before they took another step. Sprinting away, he raised a hand to yank the beanie firmly down almost over his eyes.

Loki ran quickly but carefully, he doubled back several times, ran in circles and in zigzags. Finally he came to a stop near the zoo. Hands resting on his knees, the god gasped for breath.

There had been a time when he could have run for days on a hunt or climbed the tallest mountain.

But now, Loki was no better than the mortals he begged money off of.

He paced off the footpath leading into the zoo and lowered himself down, legs hanging over a small stone wall. It was quiet in the park. He'd picked a bad day. There were little people and fewer who looked like they had any money. He sighed and worked on catching his breath.

That was when talking and laughter caught his attention.

"I can't believe you've never been here Steve!"

"Thank you for taking me, Tony. I do appreciate it,"

"Bah, it was worth it to see Goldilocks confused over the animals, where is he anyway?"

A lengthy pause followed and Loki got to his feet. The second voice, Steve, sounded kind-hearted. Naïve. Loki adjusted the beanie to sit crookedly, the guilt card, it seemed, was to be played.

"I think he went to get fairy floss,"

"More? He already ate four bags!"

Loki approached slowly, taking in the two men talking. One was shorter than him, dark hair, sunglasses. Had money by the look of his clothes and seemed vaguely familiar, but he wasn't the one Loki was interested in. The other man was taller, blond hair, blue eyes. Had a smile on his face that reminded Loki of his not-brother. He held himself like a warrior but had the face of a peacemaker.

Loki walked up slowly, keeping an eye on the short one but focusing his attention on this, 'Steve'. He was mere metres away before they noticed him. Loki opened his mouth to speak but the short one held up a hand. He lowered his sunglasses ever so slightly, tilting his head to assess Loki.

"No way, beat it," he said simply. Loki stopped in his tracks.

Steve frowned. "Tony, don't be cruel," he said.

"Don't be naïve, Steve, the guy probably makes a couple hundred a day," Tony replied curtly, already stalking off. But Loki would not be put off that easily. He pulled off his beanie and ran a hand through his hair, ruffling the curls.

"Please, just some change. Anything would help," he asked.

Not begged.

Gods do not beg.

Then again, Loki was not a god.

Steve sighed. "I don't have anything on me, but my friend does, let me talk to him,"

Loki nodded eagerly as the blonde walked to his friend. They had a quiet discussion. Eventually the black haired man took his glasses off in what seemed to be frustration and Loki suddenly realised what he recognised the man from.

Stark. That was his name. Loki had seen him in a paper.

Every paper actually. And magazines.

The fabled Iron Man.

An Avenger.

Thor was an Avenger.

Loki had seen it in the paper.

What if his brother was near?

What if his brother found him?

Loki immediately started backing away. He needed to leave. To get away. He started to turn, prepared himself to run.

"Friends! This thing, the floss of fairies? It is wonderful! I had to acquire more. Who is this new comer? Another friend?"

It was too late to freeze, too late to hide. Loki found himself face to face with Thor.

His once-brother.

His once-friend.

Neither spoke.

Neither moved.

Thor dropped his food and stared at Loki.

"Brother?"

The whisper broke whatever spell was keeping Loki in place and then he was gone in a flash of black hair.

Thor was left.

Standing, hand outreached.

And all that was left was a green beanie.

Left on the path.

Forgotten in haste.

Fallen.


	2. Lost

_So I'm just going with the flow on this story. It seems to be solely from Loki's point of view, third person limited style. And it's pretty much going to be his progression as he deals with the slurry of issues he was left with after the events of Thor._

_As always, please review and a big thankyou to those who reviewed the last chapter. _

_Love and cookie for all_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

><p>Lost.<p>

That was the word he was looking for.

Loki felt lost.

It was hardly an unfamiliar emotion, just not one that he spent time finding a name for on a regular basis.

But this wasn't just disorientation in the physical sense, this was a complete sense of everything being wrong and nothing being right and having absolutely no idea how to make the world like it was before.

And then what was before?

Before The Fall? Before he learnt the truth? Before he saw his not-once-blood-brother-liar-best-friend again in the middle of the park?

Thor wasn't his brother. He was Odin's son. Loki was Laufey's son.

He knew that.

Loki ran a worried hand through his hair, quietly lamenting the loss of his beanie. Tonight would be an uncomfortable night with nothing to cushion his head from the hard concrete or bricks he would be sleeping on.

He sighed and made his way to a nearby bench. He was still in the park. It was still quiet. Which, of course, was bad news for Loki.

He had no money for a bus or a train back to familiar streets and if there was one thing he'd learned living on the streets it was that the humans he shared them with were more territorial than a pissed off warg and the bigger ones could pack a punch.

He'd spent the last half hour avoiding Thor but the constant movement was making it difficult to convince anyone to spare some coins. Loki was tired. He'd eaten three times in four days and the amount of running he was doing today was severely depleting his energy reserves.

Loki didn't realise he'd fallen asleep until an easily recognisable voice woke him.

"There he is! Brother!"

"Told you I could find him, he's the only one with a heat signature _below_ zero,"

"That's great Tony, hey Thor! Maybe you shouldn't just-"

"Too late, Stevie,"

"Don't call me that,"

Loki jerked out of his post-nap daze to Thor's face taking up his entire vision. He swallowed. Thor's ridiculously big frame, _how could he have forgotten about that?, _was completely blocking Loki's escape routes. And even if he could make it off the bench, he didn't like his chances with the 'Iron Man' and the blonde man who looked like he should be in a movie not wandering in Central Park standing guard mere metres away.

Mortals.

He was trapped by _mortals_ now.

Loki forced his gaze back to Thor, whose normal expression of cheerful ignorance had been replaced by an altogether worrisome look of concern. One of Thor's hands started to move and Loki instinctively pressed himself backwards into the bench, willing himself to fall through it.

There had been a time when he could have.

When he could have teleported himself away or Thor and his friends to an ice cap.

But his magic was suspiciously lost to him at the moment.

Thor stopped the movement and a look of hurt started to taint the concern playing across the god's face.

Loki tensed nervously.

"Brother… You are so thin," Thor started quietly.

Loki was almost shocked by the genuine uneasiness in his brother-not-brother's tone. This wasn't a tease about Loki's slenderness when compared to the other Asgardians but an honest expression of worry.

Loki looked away.

Thor must not know.

If he knew he wouldn't care, he wouldn't be looking for a lost brother.

Not-brother.

Laufeyson.

Loki opened his mouth to speak but closed it just as fast. He didn't know what he was supposed to say, there was no retort coming to mind, nor an insult ready to leap off of his tongue.

If anything his silence seemed to concern Thor even more.

"Brother-Loki," Thor changed tack, finally recognising the look of discomfort on Loki's face every time _that_ word was used. "I thought you were dead. Mother, Father, we all grieved for you,"

Loki sighed. They didn't tell Thor the truth about him then.

Didn't tell Thor that Loki was one of the monsters the Thunderer hunted in his spare time.

"You don't know then?" he asked, speaking softly, his voice slightly haggard. "They didn't tell you?"

Thor looked at Loki in confusion.

"Didn't tell me what?"

"Thor, when I said I wasn't your brother, I meant it," Loki tried to sound firm but it just came out as tired.

Something close to understanding washed over Thor and a small smile graced his face.

"No worry, Brother. I spoke with Father. He told me of your beginnings. How he rescued you from Jotunnheim,"

Loki stared.

Lost for words.

Thor reached out and grasped Loki's shoulder firmly. "It matters not to me Loki. You are still my brother, we will always have each other," his smile grew, as if the only reason Loki was running was because of a fear about his heritage and now that it was cleared up he would come home. "I'm sure Heimdall has already informed Mother and Father of your survival, how you managed to hide for so long is a mystery to me!" Thor chuckled. "But no matter now, I am glad you are still alive and all of Asgard will rejoice in the news of their prince's return,"

Loki was frozen in place.

He didn't understand.

How could Thor know about it all and not hate him?

How could Loki return home?

How could he face his fath-Odin?

And Frigga?

Loki couldn't.

He couldn't understand.

Everything was wrong and nothing was right and Loki felt like he was getting pulled further and further away from a sense of clarity.

It wasn't an unfamiliar emotion.

He'd felt it enough in his youth.

But now Loki had a word to go with it.

He was lost.

Completely and utterly lost.

With no idea of how to get home.


	3. Knowledge

_I don't really like this chapter as much as the others and it wasn't very easy to write. And it's kinda short. Sorry :/_

_Seeing as I seemed to have developed a key word theme-y theme here, the next few chapters will cover Anger, Truth and Monster in some order. And from there it'll start into Redemption, Trust, Hero, Courage and Hope_

_Enjoy :]_

Loki didn't know what to do.

He just couldn't do.

Anything.

He couldn't speak.

He couldn't move.

He knew. Thor _knew_.

And now moth-Frigga and Odin knew he was alive. Heimdal would've been watching Thor. And now he would be able to see Loki.

They _knew_.

Knowledge was everything to Loki and the one thing Loki had, the one thing he knew that no one else did was the result of his Fall.

But now _they knew._

And Loki didn't know anything.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't _breathe._

His eyes unfocused and the world started to blur. He heard the words 'panic' and 'attack' and 'hyperventilating' but he didn't _know_ them. He couldn't understand.

Then his world faded to black and Loki knew nothing at all.

Loki woke up to a warm bed, soft sheets and dry clothes.

For a moment Loki believed he was back home. That this was all just some kind of horrible nightmare. Maybe a spell misfired or he drank too much mead. He let himself believe that he was in his chambers and that Thor had never been banished and that he was truly Odin's son.

But he knew the colours of his old room.

He knew that the ceiling was higher, the bed slightly longer and the cushions softer.

He knew he could never go home.

And Loki knew that he wasn't Odin's son.

He rubbed his eyes roughly, clearing the sleep from them and glancing around the room.

It was plain, Loki couldn't tell anything important from it. Not knowledge about the owner.

All he could do was sit in the bed and try to stay strong.

It worked for half a minute.

Then Loki buried his head in his hands and felt his whole body go tense.

Thor _knew, _he _KNEW._

Loki had never wanted to see him again. He needed to be away. Away from Asgard and the mistakes and the lies and the shame.

He had that on the streets. It was a bad way to live but it was better than being back in Asgard.

Loki had grown up with the stares. But before he had secrets. He had information he could lord over the others.

Not anymore. Odin would know of what he'd done by now. All of it. All the dirty little secrets he'd coveted away. All the mistakes he'd made and all the lies he'd spun. All of Asgard would know of his shame and Loki would be a mockery.

But it wasn't just that, as Odin knew of Loki's misdeeds Loki knew of Odin's.

He knew of the way Odin had stole him from Laufey's kingdom. Stolen him as a raider would a pretty peasant girl. It wasn't an act of mercy that the All-Father committed that day but an act of politics. He needed leverage over Laufey. He could have just taken the Casket. It would have been enough but Odin chose, he _chose_ to take Loki.

Since his arrival in Midgard Loki had thought of that fateful night a thousand times over. He ran over the story Odin told again and again and again. Odin found a child in a temple, abandoned. It never made sense. A child _abandoned_ in a _temple?_ But now Loki would never know. Another mistake.

Loki knew more of Odin. He knew of the way Odin kept his true nature hidden from all the court. The lies he told to explain his youngest son's behaviour. To hide the mistakes Loki made and the shame he brought to the royal house.

It all made sense now.

Loki knew everything.

And yet nothing.

For Thor knew as well.

Odin had no right.

Loki's birth. His true father, his family and being. That was not knowledge for Odin to share. Yet another stolen treasure. Odin had taken and taken from Loki and now the Trickster had _nothing_ left to give.

Loki heard the footsteps long before he registered them. They were heavy and strong. The footfalls of a god and of a king. Loki heard those steps. He scrubbed his face hurriedly on the linen before straightening up. He waited for Thor to burst through the door. Waited for an entrance that didn't come.

A tentative knock echoed in the room. Loki said nothing.

There was silence for a moment. Before Loki's not-brother spoke. "May I enter?"

Loki stared at the door. Not once in his whole life had Thor knocked before entering his abode. Often with embarrassing results for the both of them. "Y-yes, you may," Loki called out softly.

The door hand moved and then Thor invaded the room with his body. Just a mass of golden locks, bright eyes and smiles that Loki tried his best to hate. He carried a tray of Midgardian food in his hands. After some awkward shuffling of plates Thor managed to close the door behind him and turn to face his brother. Loki simply stared.

Thor took a breath and held out the tray slightly. "I brought you food," he said gently, placing the tray down on the end of the bed. Loki stared. Thor sat down next to it. "You need to eat Loki." he sighed.

Loki frowned briefly and looked away from Thor, choosing instead to study the wallpaper.

"Tony called up all the shelters in New York and we found the one you rested at last night," Thor began.

That caught Loki's attention and the raven-haired god turned back to face the Thunderer.

Thor interpreted this as a good sign and continued. "We will search for your belongings on the morrow," he said with a soft smile. "You may stay with me, I know you must hate living amongst the mortals,"

For a brief moment all Loki knew was red. How _dare _he?

"How _dare _you?" Loki spat out.

The sudden words took Thor by surprise. "Brother?"

Loki was breathing heavily, holding his fists clenched tight against his sides.

"How _dare_ you say you know me? You know _nothing_! You should know _nothing!"_ Loki launched himself at Thor, beating his fists against the larger god's chest. "It was not his secret to tell, you should know nothing!" what started as a wild attack soon dissolved into nothing. Thor wrapped strong arms around Loki as the Trickster weakly hit him.

"You should know _nothing,"_ he rasped out. "_Nothing,"_

Thor just waited.

"_Nothing_, it was not his secret to tell. It was _mine,_ and he kept it from me," Loki repeated it like a mantra. Was Odin never happy with how much he'd taken from Loki? He was taking all his secrets? What good is a Liesmith if he has no lies to work with?

"You should know _nothing,"_

"_Nothing."_


End file.
